Mad Men TV Show

Holidays- they are suposed to be this fun filled time in your life, family is visited that you havent seen all year long, people eating the foods you have baked, children on Christmas morning- their faces at what Santa has brought them. Not this year. This year is one of the hardest years of my life. This Holiday Season, brings with it the questions of “what if”- how to smile when hes gone. How to not just pretend any longer. How to really get on with my life. I have children, most valubale part of my life, with a man that I thought was going to be my love for the rest of my life. Then one awful day, suitcase was packed, and he was gone. With one simple answer- family life was just to much for him. Thats it. Nothing more than that. To much. Life stopped. I hit bottom. No more feelings for me. Well none that anyone could see. I got down to 100 pounds, my kids knew nothing, I never let them see me cry at night, I never allowed myself to bring them into MY saddness, they were dealing with their own. They are all doing very well, they have gotten used to “moms” and “dads” house. I havent. I still buy things at the grocery store that he liked- not me. I still find myself looking at clothes in the mens department. I still tear up at songs that had special meaning to us. He has turned hateful now, partly my fault Im sure. I thought if I tried to just be mad at him, that it would be easier for me. It worked to be honest. But I hated doing that. Our wedding anniversary came and went, with a bottle of alcohol to help, Thanksgiving, birthdays, sweetest day, all these days that mean so much to us for so long. And then nothing. No cards, no kisses, nothing. Just another day. I started seeing someone, I know its wrong, everything inside me says its wrong. How do you date someone when all you want is someone else. Fills time, fills that “lonely” void. And he will do something that just reminds me of my true love, and boom, back to saddness. I go see a counsler, she tells me it is as simple as this. Time. It takes time to heal. It takes time to build a life together. OUR SONG JUST CAME ON> how do you keep breathing. He has been gone a year. A Year! Am I the only one who still crys. Am I the only one, who wishes he would come up behind me while I am making dinner. I think back to our past Christmas’s together, and the presants that we would buy for eachother- most of the time being the same thing! We would just laugh, and say, two great minds think alike. One of the things I hate most- how my children will be away from me on Christmas, for that one simple answer- family life is to much. My whole world changed, gone from what I knew, from what I want. Family life is to much. He wasnt a great husband, hell half the time he wasnt a good husband, he didnt do things to help around the house, he didnt act like a “man” when he should have, he had other women. I sit down, I write the pros and cons of what he really is- in the end - more cons. So you ask, why do I love him. Its simple- its the one fact that I told him when I was just 17, one day, one day you are going to be a great man, I just know it. I guess I will never reallly know that. Maybe he wont. Maybe he will. I just want to know how to really breathe again. To really not have to cry at night. To be able to go on with my life. Anyone know that? Anyone been through this, and have family that keeps telling you- just get over it, hes been gone, he was worthless. How do you?

Even I, the reader of long questions, couldn’t bother with the bible you wrote. I’ll just address the question as it stands. You are NEVER alone in the world. You have yourself. If you’ve learned to love yourself over the years, you’d be perfectly capable of living without someone else. I known several people who were unmarried, and had no families. They work, have friends and interests, and lives that are relatively good without a partner to lean on. Is there some rash of suicides among widowers???
Putting your happiness and self worth on someone else is a poor excuse for not getting a life. Even in the best relationships, you have to face the fact that you could potentially be alone one day. Get it together!

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